Earplugs Maybe Needed

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

In case anyone is curious out there, I am still rocking it. Just not blogging it.

I think anyone who fell in my radar type sphere of blogger land has moved on to other adventures right now, but in case you are still lurking out there... I am doing better then ever. And kind of want to shout it from the rooftops. Or the blogtops.

shout shout shout.

There you have it.

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Chinese and Charts and Stickers, oh my!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Ate Chinese food today. So. Much. Chinese. Food.

It had tofu in it, which means it is healthy.. right? And you can't eat the egg drop soup without those crunchy fried chip things. Duh.

Seriously, though, I did not go crazy. The meal was loaded with veggies, and they went light on the sauce. Plus I only ate half, and saved the rest for another day. On top of that, I ate this about mid afternoon, so it counted for both lunch and supper. Lupper. Sunch. Yuuuum.

Eight hours later and my stomach is still content. I am one happy lady.

Not to nerd-out about my chart again, but I am totally going to nerd out about my chart again. I love my chart! I love having it on my door. It is not in a little notebook that can get lost in the shuffle of my desk or "accidentally" left in a purse when I make a bag-swap. Nope. It is on my door- reminding me that if I do not follow through, I will have to stare at the evidence everyday- not just in the mirror, but on my door as well.

I am staring fondly at my chart right now, and the progress that I have made in just over a week (coughplusthreeyearscough) and I feel great... but the chart is looking a little bland. All that black and white. I should have written in glittery gel pens or something. Maybe I can amp it up with some stickers. Not a lot makes me happier in this world than a good sticker.

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Survived

Friday, April 9, 2010

I am going to declare yesterday as a success. I was hungry all day. I rarely feel like that- nagging hunger no matter what I eat. But I stayed within my calorie limit.

Wanted ice cream, ate sugar free jello. Felt satisfied.

Did not want to work out, but did. Was only 20-30 minutes, but it was something.

I am determined to have another fantastic weekend, in all aspects.

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Thursday Weigh

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Finally Thursday. One week sticking with the plan, nothing to scoff at these days. I have been strictly a "Tuesday Weigher" for the past three years. That happy day when I found my determination and started my journey was a Tuesday, and it just kind of suck. But last Thursday I felt that itch. You know that feeling. Maybe it is less of an itch and more of an interior monologue, voiced by the love child of James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman: It's time, Amanda Lee. Put down the french fries. Toss the chocolate in the bin and pick up the free weights. Pull the stretch pants over your lumpy behind and start dancing. The time has come.

Honestly, who could ignore that itch-inducing voice of James Earl Freeman... Morgan Earl Jones... Either way, it caught me last Thursday and I decided not to store the voice in my pocket until Tuesday. I could not shush it, it had to be Thursday.

My weight last Thursday:
190.0
(how many times will I go through these dreaded 180s)


My weight this Thursday:
187.6
(only 0.1 behind my weekly goal)


Total overall lard lost:
39.4
(hmm.. looks lower than it used to be.)



And that about wraps it up for me. I am out to take charge of another day!

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Seventy Three

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Hello kiddos! It is going to be a gorgeous day. This Minnesota girl gets cranky when the temperature gets over 80- kind of a problem when you live in Texas. But today the high is 73! There is something about low to mid seventies that makes me giddy.

Tomorrow I will be posting my weight. My first scheduled weight post since I started the blog. Are you excited to know how much smaller my love handles are? We are shooting for an average of 2.5 pounds a week. I know I know, a little bit above the all holy "normal weight loss average." I was a weight watcher for a long time. But, bring it on extra half pound. I am going to go for it.

The catch? If I don't make it, I am not going to be wimpy and cry and give up. Who cares? So why not go for it and see what happens! Slow and steady will bring a lot of change in three months time.

Today's mini-goal... No diet soda. Well, no soda of any kind, but nothing but the diet tempts me. This is going to be rough, folks, but I think I need to try and give it up. Why? Because I feel like I can't. Therefore, I must.

Be Merry!

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Chart Happy

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Two posts in as many days. I am a blogging superhero.

And now for more specifics on my recent focus shift. Remember when I said that I am simply scribbling my calories on a post-it throughout the day and then tossing it before bed? Well that is true, but there is a chart. Of course there is a chart. I live for weight-loss charts. But this one is simple. I am not logging all my food stats into some online program, and I am not trying to become an excel master. I printed off a little chart that takes me through the next three months and track my daily weight, exercise, and calories. Just the total calorie sum for the day. I am very happy with it! I also have a weekly goal, so I can see how I am doing over time. The chart hangs on the back of my door, a constant reminder of the goals I have. The reasonable goals.


So that is all for today. I expect to be posting much more than I have been recently, so please check back! Also, I am going to post my weight on the blog once a week. So now you will know exactly how lumpy my ass is at all times. Full disclosure. I will be doing that each Thursday- the day that I have a weekly goal marked on my happy little chart. How's that for excitement.

Peace and love Pumpkins!

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Bollywood Baby!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Apparently it does not get more hilarious than me trying to do a Bollywood Dance Workout. For whatever reason, I figured that I would be a natural.

Seriously, Manda? Seriously? A natural at Bollywood dance? Are you forgetting how ridiculously hard you had to work to stay at the bottom of your dance group?

(Yes, readers, I was a dancer for ten years. I was terrible. I was not pitiful only because I am musical- I've got the natural rhythm baby. But I do not have the dancing skills. My brain and body struggle to connect that quickly.)

Anyway. I had been looking at these Bollywood workouts for months. I thought they would be a great addition to my little collection. You know, something for when I don't feel like screaming obscenities at Jillian Michaels. Well I found something different, alright. I love it. I bounce up and down and around in circles and try not to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror (I look ridiculous.) My abs probably get a bigger workout than anything else.. From all the laughing. But when I am done, I feel elated. Just what I need right now.


And, in other news, Easter happened. How was yours? Didja survive? Hopefully so. Mister and I went to visit his parents. We both got giant Easter baskets.. full of candy. SABOTAGE! But, there were also some Anne's organic crackers- thank goodness they make everything look like bunnies! So I ate more than I planned, but less than I might have a few weeks ago, a few months ago, a few years ago. And today I weighed the same as yesterday- I'll take it. I had mister kidnap all of the candy so it won't be there to tempt me, and I am pressing on.

Thanks for sticking with me. Please to kick my ass next time I abandon my mission? Stay the course!

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Exercise Junkie

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Hey kids. I have been doing alright, on and off again. For the past couple of months I have been bouncing up and down between 180-190 pounds. It has become quite annoying, really. And then I had another one of my famous break downs the other day. It is totally impossible for me to hit that elusive "goal weight" by the wedding on June 26th, and I had this ridiculous notion that it was all or nothing... If I was not going to be perfect looking that day, then who cares what I look like.

Crazy, I know. I don't really feel that way. I have come to my senses. I did not start all of this in 2007 for a wedding. I did not even know the Mister when I started! This has always been for me. My health. My quality of life.. The kind of life that I want to live. An active life. Walking, biking, swimming, hiking, camping, kickboxing, yoga.. You name it. I want it.

My dirty little secret? I have always sucked at exercise. Even in my stints as a weight-loss machine, I was hardly working out. DVDs off and on, some walking, but never enough, and never for a very long period of time. I have just done it by eating well. Obviously that is one piece of the puzzle, but if I want this to be lasting I really need to work on being more active.

So now, for the first time, exercise is my main focus in this journey. Nothing unmanageable or confusing, just making sure to do something everyday. I am still counting calories, but not in any crazy meticulous programs. Just on a post-it throughout the day, so I don't forget. I write it down, get through the day, and chuck it in the bin at the end of the day.

So we press on...

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Carry On

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I am eeking my way back to normalcy. I have managed to put on about 10 pounds in 3-4 weeks. As of this morning, I am up to 191.2. I know I should not be frustrated over a number, but I have managed to stay out of the 190s for such a long time now, and I let myself creep back in... Right when I was going to break into the 170s for the first time in years.

So I am having a moment of regret. No the most helpful emotion, but more helpful than apathy. And now I am moving forward. Pressing on. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

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Back in Minnesota

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

It has been a long three weeks. Grandpa passed away on Sunday, so I am back in Minnesota. Right now I am sitting under the covers in a hotel bed, greasy from yesterday's travel day and too long without a shower. My face is sprouting several new pimples, and I must be 5-10 pounds heavier than when I was in Minnesota three weeks ago.

But right now all I really care about is that my Mom is laying on the bed next to me, finally getting some sleep. I care that I saw my brother, Mr. Navy, last night for the first time in 14 months. I care that my Dad has puffy watery eyes. I care that my aunts and uncles and cousins are all here together. Overtaking a hotel that we have all called home at some point over the last month.

We have no place to go. Grandma died 14 years ago, and the farm was sold when Grandpa had to move into assistant living a few years ago. My mom and her siblings have already felt homeless, in a sense. Now they feel like orphans.

I am trying to be strong for once. To take care of Mom instead of making her take care of me, and everyone else.

I am not very good at this.

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Red Eyes

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I came home this week so that I could go to class, but I did not go to class today. At all. I just stayed in bed and cried.

Then I retreated to Kevin's place and found some comfort there, and even laughter.

Now I came home and have received a group message from friends in my ASL class about meeting up to study tomorrow. And the most recent message on the thread is jokingly chastising me for not being in class. Sent to the whole group. So now I feel pathetic for not going, and anxious about the amount of work I have to do. There is no time for catch up. I already feel so far behind.

I feel empty. Desperate for a distraction. And today, after a successful weekend.. Coping with my emotions in a more proper way- I found that distraction and comfort in food. Of course.

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Back for now

Monday, February 15, 2010

Had to come back to Texas yesterday evening. Hospice is coming to see my Grandpa today, and it will be only a matter of days. Maybe a week.

The doctor says he is non responsive- but when my cousin and I told him an old joke he had with the three granddaughters, a huge smile went up his face.

And when I was saying goodbye, just the two of us in the room, he cried. He can't talk. I don't know if he even knows who I am or what I am saying. But he cried. And then I left. The next time I see him will be at his funeral.

My heart is breaking.

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My day.

Friday, February 12, 2010

My grandpa is going to die. I am flying to Minnesota today. Hard to pretend it is not happening when you are on your way there.

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Finally Photos

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Confession time.

I have been avoiding my "before photos." I have them, of course, but have been hesitant to share them. I always figured that I would share them when I met my goal weight- no sooner. And here I am, three years into my flub-fighting mission, and only halfway to my goal.

But today I feel empowered. I am proud of how far I have come, and excited about where I am headed- no matter how long it takes to get there.

So... Without further adieu.


Before Photos:

Getting close to my highest weight...


I had actually lost about 20 pounds here


The weight was packing on. Cringe.



Not As Before Photos:




My best friend, and inspiration: Anna the Marathon Runner

Looking more svelte at my third Breast Cancer 3Day with my ladies!


So there you have it. I will take some proper comparison shots at some point, but you get the idea. And if you can't possibly wait to see more of my lovely face, you can always glance back at the engagement photos!


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Ughhhh.

Monday, February 8, 2010

If you are what you eat, then today I was:

  • A bagel with honey almond cream cheese
  • A Reese's Christmas Tree (about the size of a regular tree)
  • Oneish serving of stale tortilla chips
  • A store brand Nutri-Grain bar (my fruit for the day, apparently)
  • Several large handfuls of Cheez-Its
  • Four chewy valentines mints
  • Lots of coffee
  • Diet Coke (love that aspartame)
Monday hates me. And now my stomach hates me, too.

But I refuse to hate myself.


Housekeeping: I was just notified that my comments feature has not been working- for quite some time apparently. Whoops. Comment option has been restored.

Carry on.

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Breakdown Baby

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Had a little breakdown last night. Okay, a ridiculous breakdown. I literally fell to the ground on my knees and yelled when I realized that I had accidentally eaten a half cup instead of a quarter cup of rice with dinner.

Apparently I had REALLY been looking forward to some almonds after class, but the extra rice put me at the top of my daily limit. In case you didn't catch it before, I will repeat myself. I literally fell onto my knees, yelling and crying, and held my head in my hands curled up on the floor. The floor of my fiance's apartment. While he sat 10 feet away watching me. Then I continued to freak out and would not let him talk to me about it for an hour.

But I did let him talk to me eventually. I even listened. Really listened- he broke through all of my stubbornness. I have been struggling so much the past few months, even on my good days, but I feel different today. Perhaps it is not so bad after all, letting the blockade down.

Here's to the people who love us in our worst moments, and the people who will read about them without judgment.

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Finding a Balance

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Still Kicking. Very busy with school (last semester!) And work.

Trying to figure out how to be healthy/lose weight while having a life. I get so obsessive with weight loss that other things tend to suffer while I am on a roll, particularly the amount of fun I have.

But last night I went to a bar with a bunch of hippie cyclists. I had a drink, listened to two rock bands followed by a Mariachi band (hilarious and fantastic), and had a generally amazing time.

And I still lost a pound today. Wabam!

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Checking In.

Monday, January 11, 2010

I am alive, and well. Just enjoying every second of the break from school with the Mister. I am also finding the focus, in my own unique way, which involves obsessing over nutrition books and articles and doing a variety of new workouts. It usually takes me a couple of weeks to hit my stride- to make it feel like second nature.

I am just being a little selfish with my time and my thoughts right now, so that I can enter the new (and last) semester entrenched in my good set of habits.

Sometimes I think too hard when I am blogging- about what is worthy of being shared, and how to say it. I worry about being judged, just like I do in my regular life. So right now I am just writing in my journal every night. It is candid and raw, and that is what I need right now.

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